October 3, 2009

"...Put 'er in a Pumpkin Shell..."

I always take my kids to the pumpkin patch for pumpkins and pictures. Luke wanted to go a little early this year, so we got 'er done last week. The next morning he couldn't find his phone anywhere in the house. Or car. He went off to school and I ran errands all day. I passed the pumpkin patch twice and wondered if he could have lost it there, but Goldie didn't turn in so I might ask the girl at the register. I wondered if he'd lost it there because of this:

I think I see it there in his right hand pocket!

That evening I called the place to see if perhaps someone had found it.

Hello, do you guys have a Lost 'n Found?

Silence on the other end.

My son was there yesterday playing on the hay bales and he seems to have lost his cell phone. We were wondering if he might have dropped it there.

The lady on the other end, I could quickly see, believed me to be one of those criminals who try to acquire cell phones by pilfering pumpkin patches. She responded with a tone of resistance and a little bit of teasing thrown in for good measure. Well, why don't you give me your name and number. ~wink~wink. You know you didn't "lose a phone" here, let's just stop this ruse right now, honey.

Okay, I began, Jennie -

No, she chuckled (she wasn't fallin' for nothing) your son's name.

Okay, Luke....

If it was out there last night it would have been ruined in the rain anyway.

Wha? What did I take this woman from? Her lunch? A foot rub? IF YOU FIND A PHONE, IT MIGHT BE OURS. KAY? WE'D LIKE TO KNOW. EVEN IF IT'S COVERED IN PUMPKIN GUTS. I didn't say that, but...wha?

Can you describe the phone? What kind of phone is it?

This is where I was starting to believe I just might be that pilferer of pumpkin patches, as I realized that I didn't know much at all about his phone. It's black...um, it has that keyboard thing when you open it longways, er, sideways I guess it is...I know nothing about cars, electronics, I'm not exactly sure the year and make of my van.

What's the phone's number. That way we can verify it's his if we find it.

There, that makes sense. Why didn't I think of that?

Okaay, she said satisfied that she'd foiled another potential lost cell phone heist, We'll let you know if it's found. Then she swaggered over to Margaret in the mum department shaking her head and rolling her eyes, Some people, ya know? What, do they think we were born yesterday?

Who knows, maybe with the number I provided she can believe that I'm not part of some farm market cell phone racket. How many cell phones a day do they find at this joint, anyway? Maybe there IS a niche there somewhere for criminals like me. I began to imagine paying the entry fee for their corn maze and spending the hours my kids are in school wandering through it, collecting all manner of phones and other electronics that may be lost there in the dirt.

I hung up with the gatekeeper at the farm market and Luke found the phone in his clothes basket.


rosemary said...

All of the hay farmers have harvested for the last time this season. I am fascinated by balers 'specially those that make the round bales. Then one farmer wraps them in plastic as they spit out from the baler. we have a guy that makes a maze and sells pumpkins too not too far away. So you have warty pumpkins, huh? Did you buy some to carve? Steve always misplaces his cell....I just call his number and we hunt.

Aimee said...

What a funny post! Glad he found the phone at home since you'd probably never get it back if it was at the pumpking patch!

Paul Nichols said...

I think you should call her back and report that you found it. But...and this is a big but...give her a hard time about it. "What number did I give you? Where did I say he might have lost it? What? You didn't write this down? What if we hadn't found it but you did. How would you contact us? What is your name? Your badge number...? Hoo, boy, the boss is gonna hear about this!

Well, you have to grow up where I grew up to think up such things. But it sounds like fun, eh?