April 26, 2010

The Incredible Shrinking Everything

Have you noticed that boxes and packages of everything are shrinking? I've been buying megapacks of tissues at Sam's for the last decade or so and I know what a tissue box feels like. A few weeks ago while unpacking them into my closet in the basement my hand sensors starting beeping: smaller! - smaller! - smaller! And sure enough they were smaller boxes than the ones I had from before.

Also cereal boxes. I remember gigantor boxes of cereal from my youth that towered above my little head at the breakfast table. Perhaps that was wasteful, I am not the one to judge whether buying one big box of cereal or two smaller boxes is more environmentally sound. All I know is, seriously, I poured some Honey Bunches of Oats out of a box so narrow my hand experienced confusion holding it AND THEN the box, which had become a little wapper-jawed after one single use, couldn't stand alone on my counter! I had to lean it up against a thawing turkey breast! I guess they're trying to make cardboard thinner, use fewer trees. I get it. Maybe we need to redesign the box so that it will stand on its own though.

Another thing I find fascinating: Tuna cans!? Have you noticed that they are just a hint of what they used to be? A can of tuna used to make just over two sandwiches, to my memory. I ate a lot of tuna in my day as did my first child - he ate it by the handful at his highchair. My third child really likes tuna for his lunch as well, so we go through many cans and they are NOT - I repeat - NOT the same number of ounces as they used to be. The cans can be used as tiddly winks! The current can of tuna (which by the way I purchase at Trader Joe's because their tuna has no soy additives in it...why does tuna need soy additives, I ask?) makes one Seany sandwich and a little leftover for a Seany snack eaten straight from the bowl sometime around dinner time when his rail thin body can't take it another minute. And that's it! One sandwich plus a small remainder of lonely tuna and mayo covered by some plastic wrap in the corner of the fridge.

Milk gallon lids? Have you noticed that? My milk lids are a plastic top, not a screw on but a little snap on lid with a narrow lip around the top that allows you to get a grip to pop it off and pour it all over your cereal as you precariously try to upright the box which is lamely falling over onto your thawing turkey. This lid lip used to work like a charm but nowadays in 2010 the lip has become flimsy and it just BENDS UP when you try to push it! What good is that, yo? And oh my gosh, have you tried to screw off the cap of certain water bottles?! (I know, it's a sin to use them and I'm sorry but occasionally I do.) The caps are so narrow now it's like a party trick just to get them off and now the plastic of the bottle itself is so thin, when you grab it to remove the lid, the bottle collapses! Which is good, I suppose because of the ridiculous waste of it all. Speaking of party tricks, have I ever told you that I can remove a twist off beer bottle cap (or root beer bottle cap, it doesn't have to be beer, as a matter of fact I don't even like beer especially none that would have a twist off cap) using only the skin on my forearm? Anyway, if Sean takes one of those bottles to school for lunch I have to open it first at home before he leaves, otherwise he can't manage it. Crazy. Times are a changin'.

Why back in my day a body could get a cap off a bottle.

On the other hand, have you noticed how easy it is to get into a package of Oreo cookies? There's a resealable flap on top, you don't even have to exert one modicum of pressure. You just lift, grab two, restick. Lift, grab three, restick. Lift, grab two - er three, restick. Lift, just one more, restick. Lift, I hate myself, restick. Lift, how did I get back in the kitchen?, restick. Lift......

3 comments:

Mom said...

I hate when things get wapper-jawed.

Jennie said...

lol You made me laugh Mom.

Paul Nichols said...

I got the last 6 oz. can of tuna. I noticed the change down to 5 oz, got down on my knees in the store and reached way back to get the last three 6 ozers.

But have you noticed that a 1# bag of popping corn is only 1.29? Six little packets of microwaveable is about $4.59. At the theater, a half cup of popped corn is something like $64.50. $64 even for Seniors.

Ahphelia Payne

Squal